Modern parents have critical issues facing them, especially regarding their kids. We live in a brave but tough new world. I wish my parents were still alive so I could ask them just how they navigated the treacherous waters of parenthood. I just turned 70, so I suppose it doesn’t matter. I think I turned out pretty good. Kelly and I have chosen not to have any more children, too, so no worries about the future.
Naturally, when a new crisis in child-rearing appears in the culture, the choice is to either promote a solution or complain about it on the planet’s virtual soap box, TikTok. I found a complaint, provided via this story, about an event many have experienced – a child’s birthday party.
This woman’s child was invited to a friend’s party. Three days before the event, the host parent broadcast a number of “requirements” for gifts to invited parents. Hoping her child would grow as an environmental steward, she stated gifts should have no bright colors, make no sound, not be constructed of plastic and be packaged in recyclable (not disposable) materials.
These requirements, which the host parent referred to as “a strict rhetoric,” may be a bit strident to some of us older, experienced and sane folks who raised small children. However, I believe I know the ideal gift for this situation:
A bag of shit.
This unique gift satisfies the host’s “rhetoric” in every way:
- Meets the color criteria. Not bright, but brown. Like the UPS truck;
- The gift is silent, satisfying the no-noise requirement. The recipient, on the other hand, may have something noisy to say when they open it;
- Certainly not plastic. Though plastic particles from various ingested foods might be there – you just don’t know these days;
- “Waste-free” packaging? Simple – a brown paper bag. Recyclable and likely already in the pantry.
In addition to the low environmental impact of the gift and the packaging, this gift has an additional feature.
The host parents don’t want bright, noisy toys that their child abandons, leaving them no choice but to donate the toy to some organization. Imagine the horror – you have something you don’t need and the idea of giving it to someone who can use it just seems beyond pale, right? Sounds contrary to the “save the planet” ideas they are teaching their child. Whatever happened to “paying it forward”?
Not a problem with my gift idea. The recipient can extend the fun and share the gift by just waiting for America’s favorite night of sharing, Halloween. The kids can pay it forward by leaving the gift in its recyclable brown bag package on the step of their favorite neighbor – or perhaps some neighbor they don’t care for much, hopefully to improve relations. To make sure the neighbor receives the full fun experience, the giving child should light the bag on fire before ringing the doorbell, just to make absolutely certain their lucky recipient sees it. If observed from a safe distance, the giver will likely see the recipient doing a fun dance of joy when they spot the glowing gift.
This will provide great hilarity to everyone, and it saves Mom and Dad the trouble of making that stop at Goodwill. But most importantly, giving this gift to others builds a foundation of environmental awareness, sharing and charitable thought. What more could the modern parent ask for their precious offspring?